Restful? No.

Friday started out relatively normal save for the mass amounts of nausea and then half of the staff called out of work. I ate what I've been typically eating, except I had a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast. It was pretty yummy.

Saturday was relatively busy. I didn't keep breakfast but my husband decided to take me out to lunch anyways. We went to this awesome Irish restaurant where I got baked macaroni and cheese. This meal was really the first I've had since I got pregnant that didn't make me queasy at all. It was like the holy grail of mac and cheese. I want to go back and get more as soon as humanly possible. We visited with Nana, who now claims I'm in a "delicate" situation. It's kinda cute. Anything I ate after the glorious mac and cheese did not stay with me.

Sunday was the day of work and being sick. We went over to hubby's father's to help him a bit since he'll be leaving next week for work training that will keep him out of state for two months. I stayed inside and cleaned up the house a little to help step-mom in law and hubby did yard work with his step-bro. Afterwards we were supposed to go back and clean our apartment. After I got sick three times, my husband ended up falling asleep then yelling at me when I tried to wake him up. Needless to say most of the cleaning was done by me after I yelled at him quite a bit. I had a bagel and cream cheese for dinner but didn't hold onto it, then decided to fall asleep on the couch. My husband apologized and moved me to the bed before cleaning the kitty litter for me.

Tomorrow marks 11 weeks I've been pregnant. 11 weeks. I'm almost out of my first trimester!! I seriously hope this getting sick thing ends soon!

Dear Journal,

I've been watching a ton of Glee episodes. Deal. :)

Yesterday was full of illness and despair, but the baby's doing OK so I guess that's all that matters. I feel like I'm starting to show but not in the uterine area, more in the above-the-belly-button area. It's not the "I'm pregnant!" look but more the "I'm gaining more weight!" look, despite the fact that I'm not really gaining much weight. I feel like if I'm going to be this damned sick all the time, I should at least have something to show for it.

I had half of a turkey hoagie for breakfast and the other half mid-morning. I had a turkey sandwich around noon and some pringles around 3pm. I know I've been overloading my carbs lately, but it seems to be the only thing that calms my tummy. I didn't keep dinner (which was chicken).

I wish I had more to say right now, but I'm so super tired even though I went to bed at 8:30pm last night.

Night night time?

I am so tired and depressed lately, I can barely focus. Thank you hormones!

I had a turkey sandwich for breakfast and for lunch along with some pringles and some ramen soup. I was really hungry and really queasy all day so I had a taco for dinner. I managed to keep it down, but went to bed early.

For some reason taking my prenatal makes me really really sick to my stomach. They didn't before, but now... I dunno.

OK, signing off before I get sick all over my desk. I don't think my boss would appreciate it.

Goodness gracious

I got my new phone on Monday. It's my first smart phone, a Droid X, so it's been taking all of my attention for the past two days. I have a koi pond as a wallpaper! The koi move!

Anyways, Monday was relatively uneventful. I worked and fretted for most of the day, as usual. I had a turkey breakfast sandwich for... well, breakfast. I don't eat eggs so it was turkey and a little bit of cheddar on an english muffin. I had a bagel sandwich for lunch (turkey, cheddar, tomato, with a little mayo) with a granny smith apple and a lot of water. Dinner was from Taco Bell, which was inconsequential within five minutes of eating it.

Tuesday involved a homemade sub from my hubby for breakfast/mid morning snack. It was huge so I only ate half of it for actual breakfast. I had a turkey sandwich for lunch and some pringles later on to curb the nausea. Again, dinner wasn't kept so no need to go into it.

As I wrote before, Goldie passed away last Thursday. She was a gorgeous dog with a fantastic personality and I miss her terribly. I got an email yesterday from my mother saying that Scuffy (her other dog) was moping around and not eating so she went down to the SPCA to see what they had. She then met Nyla (a golden brown dog of unknown origin) whom she immediately took home. I'm not sure how I feel about it, since I don't think anyone's had the proper time to grieve the passing of Goldie, but it's not my house. Nyla looks like a sweet dog and I hope she's a good pal to Scuffy.

I haven't been reading much lately in my fat acceptance book because I've been spending all extra time sleeping. I hope to read a bit more of Fat!So? tonight as I can feel myself slipping into old habits. I called myself a "big girl" on the phone to my grandmother the other day and corrected myself saying "I'm fat." You can be big and not be fat, I happen to be both. Be specific! I've always hated the word "fat"- I hate the way it sounds and evokes bad imagery. I'm trying to accept the word and use it.

Slacker!

OK, I've been slacking a bit. I'm sorry. It's been one hell of a week.

I've written what happened from Friday the 10th to Wednesday. On Thursday, my mother called me to let me know her dog Goldie (whom I threatened to take home with me several times because she's so awesome) had passed away at 11 years old. She was a great dog, very loving, and just a sweetie. Needless to say Thursday was filled with tons of crying. Food was a turkey sandwich for breakfast with hashbrowns, I don't remember lunch but it doesn't matter much since I threw it up anyways, and dinner was trusty saltines and water with lemon (I'm so tired of ginger ale!).

Friday I went to see my dietitian Jacque who told me that my fat was down (yay) but I'm retaining more fluid (boo). I need to drink more water since I'm dehydrating myself with all this getting sick. I had a turkey sandwich for breakfast, a small sub for lunch, and some homemade burritos for dinner. My father in law called to let us know that he's deciding to fix the clutch instead of playing around with the cars so we had to give him $250.

Saturday we went to my grandmother's house for a small birthday get together. Breakfast ended up being crackers and water since I tried eating a burrito and got sick within five minutes. We traveled two and a half hours to my grandmother's and my husband developed a migraine. Most of the visit was spent with hubby falling asleep on my lap while I talked with my grandma. She made us lunch while we waited for my parents to show up (hubby and I got there at 12:30, parents didn't show up til 4) and we had some lovely sandwiches. She was going to make us dinner, but it was such a long trip that we had to leave before it was finished. My parents made sure to make me feel as guilty as possible for it, but I plan on calling my grandma today and telling her how sorry I am for vamoosing. I ended up having some popcorn chicken from KFC for dinner because it was the most mild thing we could find on the go. Went home, went to bed.

Sunday was painful. I couldn't keep anything down except ramen soup (at dinner time), was plagued with sharp headache pain, and couldn't catch my breath for some reason. We gave the money to hubby's Dad and he says he hopes to have the car fixed within the next two weeks.

And now for something completely different...

Not really, but it's been an eventful past few days.

Tuesday was normal until the evening. On my way home, my car was just crawling from gear to gear, just going extremely slow. I called my father in law and told him, so he told me to bring the car around and he'd look at it. We got there just in time for him to have fixed my hubby's car.

He drove my car a little and told me that my clutch was going and that it would cost around $250 to get the parts. He also said he had no idea how long it would take him to fix it. So now he's talking about playing car roulette and possibly getting me a replacement car, selling mine at auction, and so on and so forth. In the meantime, I will continue to drive my husband to and from work every day. Yay overtime!

We got home late to see our new lease application and such at our doorstep with some confusing news, so I had to wait to talk to the lady at the front office (she's super nice).

Wednesday was going along fine, got a lot of stuff figured out and had appointments rescheduled. Around 1/1:30 I started experiencing a little cramping and found myself to be bleeding. After rubbing my tummy in the bathroom while I cried, I called my doctor who asked me to come in for an ultrasound at 4. I called my hubby and told my boss I might be having a miscarriage, so he sent me home. I sobbed the entire drive home, pleading with God not to take my baby (I've actually been crying a lot lately over everything). The ultrasound proved that everything's fine. We got to see the little one's heart beat and the baby kept wiggling and waving. It was like the baby knew we were watching! Of course we're only 9 weeks along so the baby looks kinda like a gummi bear at the moment, but lordy is it cute.

I'm not going to comment on food. I can't even remember what I ate the past few days. I was a bit stressed/worried/crazy.

Frustrations

Husband's car is still not pieced together. My father-in-law must be busy with something. In the meantime, I have to wake up early and haul my husband to work then leave a little early to go pick him up. I need a chauffeur hat.

Yesterday I had a sandwich for breakfast. It was a lovely sandwich with whole grain bread, turkey, chipotle mayo, lettuce, and jack cheese. So yummy.

I forgot my mints at home, and since sucking on a mint seems to be the only thing keeping me from getting sick at work, I left at some point to grab a pack of Altoids. I was bad and had some fried mozzarella sticks for lunch along with a tomato, three Oreo cookies, and half a 99 cent bag of potato chips. It was kind of a junk food day unfortunately. Dinner ended up being two pieces of cheddar cheese and a tomato. The stuff I had previously eaten did not agree with me, but I'm sure you may be tired of listening about that.

I'm so tired of being sick.

Whoopsies

And I was doing so well!

I didn't post on Saturday due to being overwhelmed with tons to do and didn't post Sunday because my husband had a car accident and we spent a lot of time trying to get everything back in order. Let me explain.

Friday I had the same breakfast and lunch as I've basically been having all week (just substitute spaghetti for fancy franks). I don't remember what we had for dinner, I just remember that I didn't keep it down.

Saturday we ran around looking at three different apartment complexes for a two bedroom (that's affordable) and then we had to go to CVS for my prenatal vitamins and hubby's decongestants. We also had to go to visit hubby's Nana, visit his mother, and his father/step mother's house. Breakfast was pancakes with homefries and it was yummy. After Nana's visit, my husband said I looked pale and realized I needed to eat. He took me to Panera Bread where I had half of a Bacon Turkey Bravo and some baked potato soup. By the time we got home I was having insanely painful cramps, which scared the hell out of me. I did not have a miscarriage, it was just my tummy angry at me. I honestly don't remember what I had for dinner.

Sunday ended up being busier than expected. We went to breakfast with hubby's step mom and father at a local diner where I had the thickest pancakes I'd ever eaten. I was waddling around, I felt so full. It was raining, so hubby and I spent the rest of the morning sitting around and talking. Around lunch time, hubby made some burritos from chicken, rice, and cheese along with a few tacos. For some reason I got the craving for gummi bears and hubby went out to get me some (I felt like I'd get very very sick if I didn't have them). He ended up not going very far when the bottle he was drinking from slipped and went under his brake, cause him to rear end a truck. Luckily the truck wasn't hurt at all, but hubby's car needed a new hood and front light. The rest of the day was spent calling/running around looking for replacement parts and getting them to my father-in-law so he could fix the car. Hubby's OK, just a little bruised. I ended up picking up some Arby's roast beef sandwiches for us for dinner, but he barely touched his and I didn't keep mine down.

Long weekend. Rough weekend. The car's not fixed yet, so I had to drive hubby to work this morning. I got to work an hour early as a result. This will most likely be my week. Yay.

I'm bad at post titles...

Yesterday was similar to days previous. I woke up, worked, threw up a lot, and went to sleep.

Food-
Breakfast: Bagel with bacon and cheese, water, hash browns. I love hash browns.
Lunch: Orange, two oz of cheese, cherry tomatoes (about 5 or 6), fancy franks, 4 Oreo cookies (scandal!!), lots of water (33.8 oz)
Dinner: Sierra Mist, water, chicken burrito (chicken, cheese, rice), soft taco with sour cream
At bedtime: Saltine crackers after I lost dinner.

My hair color is fading fast due to the amount of showers I've been taking. Lovely. At least I can still make my eyebrows pink with eyeshadow.

My husband and I had a lovely chat over dinner. He is dead set on not knowing the sex of the baby until it's born and I'd like to know ahead of time. He's not one to be manipulated by emotional appeals, he thrives on logic. I'm still trying to find a better way to express how it logically makes sense to know the baby's sex ahead of time, but my argument was weak last night. We'll see how the next few months go.

Today was one of the first times I've looked in the mirror and been really pleased with what I see below my jawline. My belly is starting to swell (as are my boobs) and it's OK with me. I've even made peace with my double chin, which usually takes the place as "bane of my existence."

My sample of prenatals is done so I must go to CVS and fill my prescription. Thank goodness it's Friday, ya know?

Hmmm...

I had to cancel my concert last night on SL because I was throwing up. Again.

I am so sick of this morning sickness, it's unreal. I keep thinking to myself "Why the hell did I want to get pregnant?!?!" I'm sure the end result will be totally worth it, but it's hard to see the forest for the trees.

Yesterday's food journal- breakfast consisted of a sausage mcmuffin, hashbrowns and water. Lunch was an orange, three pieces of string cheese, cherry tomatoes, and leftover fancy franks. Dinner was a cheeseburger, which I did not keep down.

I am becoming an expert on ginger ale. I'm not sure that's a good thing really, but I have determined which makers can produce a decent drink. Wegman's is not one of them for ginger ale. A-treat's isn't bad at all and WaWa's brand is tolerable.

Altoids have been holding off the vomiting at work for some reason, though today's stomach issues seem to be worse than yesterday's. I know those who read this are probably tired of hearing about tummy troubles, but at this stage in my pregnancy it's all I have to go on. My next doctor's appointment isn't until October 4th, so there's little interesting I'll have to say before that.

I am so tired. I hope I don't fall asleep at my desk.

Grumble grumble...

I'm just a little ball of rage. I was yesterday and I am today.

Quick run down of what I ate yesterday- breakfast was a homemade turkey biscuit and a little bit of hash browns, lunch consisted on three pieces of string cheese, an apple, an orange, and some home grown cherry tomatoes, and dinner was "fancy franks" which consists of tomato sauce, colby cheese, andoille sausage (instead of hot dogs), milk, spices, and rotini pasta.

On to the anger! One of my co-workers (I won't name her) says she "goes the extra mile" but actually just makes more work for me, just to save an international customer $50. Neither of us get paid more for this extra work and the customer's not going to abandon us over the cost of shipping anyways. It drives me nuts.

This woman is thin and obsessed with being so. Today she announced to the office that she's going on the "cabbage soup" diet again, the one hospitals give to fat people to make them lose weight rapidly before surgery. She claims she does this several times a year when she "needs to get rid of all this extra weight." This "extra weight" might be five pounds. Maybe.

I'm not sure what I'm more mad at- her lack of concern for her own health or the fact that she feels she needs to announce it to everyone. She doesn't exercise and no matter how many times I tell her that this would make her healthier, she's just "too tired." Well of course she's too tired, she's getting no energy from the food she's putting in her body. Cabbage is fantastic for you, but so are apples.

Our FedEx rep brought in soft pretzels and she made a huge show of not eating them because of her "diet." I haven't wanted to punch someone in the nose more than I do now. Do I express my opinions to her or do I just let her destroy herself?

Sympathy Tummy Aches

It appears my hubby either has sympathy morning sickness or his seasonal allergies are causing him to throw up. I asked my mother and she claims my father did the same during her first trimester with me. I hope I get over this sickness quickly, for both our sakes.

I have been throwing up periodically throughout the day. Breakfast was gone within a half hour of eating it (saltines and flat ginger ale) and my spaghetti in tomato sauce went only half digested. I wore the sea bands all day in hopes it would help, but nope. Working out consisted of doing a stair stepper motion on my Wii board for about 10 minutes, about the time I got sick again. Had chicken noodle soup for dinner and so far it's managed to stay with me. Old remedies die hard.

I am dreading going to work tomorrow. I don't hate my job, it's actually quite nice. I can wear what I like, talk (for the most part) how I like, and my co-workers are decently easy to get along with. Focus at work has been difficult lately, mainly because I feel so ill all the time. I wanted to get pregnant so badly, it never occurred to me that it would be this rough. Ugh.

I haven't been speaking so much about fat yet, but I'll get there. I'm learning little by little to accept the fat I've got and not want to change that. For me, a big hurdle was passed today when I thought, "I'm a big, fat stupid, idiot," and immediately realized that being fat has absolutely nothing to do with my intelligence. Why would I associate them together? I resolved not to do that any longer.

Sorry to cut this short, but my head is pounding which is most likely due to the stomach issues today.

Yesterday

I could turn this into a Beatles song, but yesterday was actually pretty horrible.

I woke up queasy, ate some crackers and flat ginger ale and was still queasy. I finally put on the Sea Bands so we could get lunch (I couldn't keep breakfast down so there's no real point in mentioning it) and discovered that the lovely bands have given me bruises on my pressure points. So now I'm queasy AND in pain. Lovely.

After walking around town for 20 minutes, we went to this taco place for lunch called Zapata. We had seen billboards for it and my husband had been salivating to try it so we went. They charged $5.75 for a taco. No, I'm not kidding. The tacos were quite large, but incredibly disappointing. The meat was not spiced well (maybe a little salt), the cheese was just sliced American, and then there was fresh lettuce and tomato. I also got rice which turned out to be just plain yellow rice. The restaurant smelled medicinal from some scented stuff in the bathroom which just made the whole situation worse. Hubby got a flauta and a taco and the meal came to around $28. Let me repeat- $28 for two tacos, a flauta, some rice, two drinks, and sour cream (they charged us extra for sour cream). We will not be going back.

We came home, both of us got sick (misery loves company) and laid on the bed for a while. When I felt up to it, we got in the car and went to the grocery store to get stuff to make dinner. By the time we got home, I felt super sick, hubby didn't want to cook, and so I had some dark russet potato chips and dip. That came back up so I gave up on food and watch Futurama until I fell asleep.

Rough day, but glad it wasn't a working day. I have also informed my husband that if we're going to have more children, we're adopting.

Bad girl!

Lazy lazy lazy day. Could barely stay awake!

I fell asleep last night around 8pm, possibly earlier. I have no idea when my husband came to bed, but once he did I could not fall back asleep. His allergies are in full swing and goodness can that man snore when he's clogged up. We got him some allergy meds today so hopefully that will help.

One of the kitties had a doctor appointment today for a weeping eye at 11 am. Breakfast was quick- a flat bread sandwich and hash browns from Dunkin Donuts with bottled water. I wasn't going to add to my already somewhat bad for me breakfast by getting a fruity drink so thank goodness for Aquafina. Doctor appointment went well, she just needs some ointment which I can pick up Tuesday after work.

We came home and I felt the need for a nap. I got gently shaken awake saying that we need to go visit my husband's grandmother today (we visit every Saturday) so off we went. It's now 1:30 pm, and I haven't eaten anything since 10:30 am so here comes the nausea! "But I'm driving!" I say to my tummy. "Nausea waits for no one!" my tummy screams back.

Nana was pleasant today, didn't comment on my weight once. Normally my weight comes up at some point during the visit where I'm told if I want to lose weight I "should just stop eating." I usually laugh, tell her I don't want to lose weight, just get healthier, and then she sits in confusion for a bit. She's a nice lady, just likes to push buttons. As soon as I realized that, she no longer had any power over me. I think she likes me more for it.

We spent a good hour after the visit looking for this damned taco place my husband has been salivating for but refuses to actually call them to get directions. I finally said if I didn't eat soon he would be wearing what little was left in my stomach and so we hit up a diner. I had a gyro wrap with fries and beef noodle soup. It was delicious, but the queasiness would not stop. We stopped at the CVS and got hubby allergy meds and Sea Bands for me (a sweet friend on plurk suggested them and I figured why not?).

The Sea Bands work! I still get little bits of nausea, but they rapidly fade away. Only problem is the bands are so tight on my wrists that I can't wear them for more than a few hours. I noticed that the back of my hands were starting to hurt for no reason, especially around my ring finger knuckles. I had to take them off for the time being.

It ticks me off a little- these things work for me, but because of a "one-size-fits-all" mentality, the little bands barely stretch enough over my large bone structure. I know some folks say there's no such thing as big boned, but I'm living proof that there is. There's barely any fat on my lower arms and my bone structure is huge. Don't get me wrong, I'm still fat. I'm just lucky to be both. Call me the clydesdale of the human race.

Dinner was one hot dog and some ginger ale. Hubby didn't feel like cooking anything complicated and neither did I, so we settled for cheap and easy. It was a good hot dog, so yay! Before we made hot dogs though, I made hubby go on a brief walk around the neighborhood with me. It's not a nice neighborhood, but who's honestly got to mess with a fat chick dressed in a black A-shirt with her hair dyed pink and black? I looked awesomely butch and I LOVED it.

Anyways, it's 10:31 pm and I'm going back to sleep. Night kids!

I love Fridays, don't you?

Today started out pretty well and then I hit "the wall o' nausea."

A lot of pregnant ladies I have spoken to say this is common. One day (like yesterday), you'll be sitting pretty, feel great, and have a great time but other days (like today) you'll feel the need to keep the ginger ale close and the bathroom closer.

For breakfast, I decided to cheat a little and have breakfast at McDonald's, which may be the source of the nausea but I like to keep open minded. I had a sausage mcmuffin (no eggs) with a side of hash browns and a small wild berry smoothie. Not the healthiest thing ever, but it was satisfying. For lunch I have 6oz of baby carrots, 2oz of cheese (colby jack), a large navel orange, and a granny smith apple. I ate the orange, 3oz of carrots, and 1oz of cheese earlier and the rest later (yeah, I know I overdid my fruit for the day). If I am still hungry on the way home, I have a singular package of Famous Amos cookies to keep me company. Drinks today have been primarily ginger ale as I'm trying like hell to keep everything down.

Because of the nausea, I'm not sure how or if I can exercise tonight. Yesterday I went walking with my hubby around the local outdoor mall, which was fantastic, but today I feel jostled. I plan on going for another walk since the weather's finally cooling down a bit, but we'll see what happens.

It starts...

Let me be the first to say this- I'm not a very good blogger.

I've started and killed many a blog, promised readers they'd be getting the full scoop and getting to see the darkest reaches of my brain. Of course no one really wants to see that kind of thing, not even myself, so the blogs never really took off.

So how is this blog any different?

For one, my dietitian is going to have the URL and she's been pushing me for a while to have a food journal/exercise journal that she can read. This is a perfect forum for me as I don't have to actually handwrite anything! I know it's kind of cheating, but if the world can see, maybe I'll be more accountable.

I am now seven weeks and three days pregnant. I am fat, which isn't a bad thing, but I'm not as healthy as I should be. This blog is going to celebrate who I am, what my body is going through at the moment, and how I am going to try and be healthier for my growing child.

This blog is not a weight loss blog and never will be. I am not built to be skinny, nor do I have the desire to be so. I want to be healthier by keep my already awesome blood pressure where it is, lowering my blood sugars, keeping my cholesterol in check, and doing what I can to make sure I have the healthiest baby I can.

There will be fat pride stories here. If you don't like it, you don't have to read it.

I am a Fat Momma.